just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
