i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize