Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
