How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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