Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
