Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
