My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
