I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
