I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
