Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
