Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
