There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
