Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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