Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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