here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
