Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize