I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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