I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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