Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
