just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
