rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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