Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
