As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i think i just lost a toe
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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