I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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