Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
farters have to be the big spoon...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
