What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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