Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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