I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
