How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
