God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
