there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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