He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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