that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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