he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
