Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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