So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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