just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is Oprah even human
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
