**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
