im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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