so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
