Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
