I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
