Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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