Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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