I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
