I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
