so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
