I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
