I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
