Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
