Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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