did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
