Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
