The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
