textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
