I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need to calm my uterus...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
