I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
