How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
