Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
