I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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