how can u be prego again
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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