Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
