The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
