mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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