I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
