and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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