oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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