Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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