just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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