He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
