I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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