Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
